His eye is on the sparrow

i am in this whole crazy journey of learning to live by faith. if you would have told me a year ago that this would be where our lives would be right now i would have told you that you were crazy! how amazing is the journey...

back in january bill, i, and the kids, took a trip out to see the family in the midwest. we felt while we were out there that God was going to do a lot of transition in our lives when we got back home. we didn't really know what that exactly looked like, though we had our own ideas of some general changes. the general feeling we both had was that this was definitely going to be a time of transition. the details of what that was going to look like in reality was still a mystery.

on our way home we stopped at our friends' house who let us park our car while we were gone and they insisted on feeding us breakfast. while we were eating, the wife told me i should go into their prayer room to just connect with the Lord before we drove back home, since we had spent the night in denver after a cancelled flight with three little kids. so, mostly because she really seemed to want me to go in there, i went. i didn't really expect to hear anything, but listened to the worship music they had playing and sat on the little couch and closed my eyes. i was only in there for about 15-20 minutes, maybe less, and i definitely felt the Lord speaking to my heart.

as i sat there i asked Him if He had any insight He could give me as to the direction of this upcoming year of 2009. 2008 had been a really tough year for us, one that i definitely would not want to repeat. of all that happened in the year, the only good thing i felt i could point to was the birth of my youngest son david. it sounds strange that i should say it that way, but if you knew the history of what happened that year, which included david being admitted to pediatrics with a life-threatening illness at the age of 2 months old, you would understand why i felt and still feel that way.

first of all, i felt Him point out a couple of areas where i had attitudes and ways of thinking that i needed to repent. next, i felt like i clearly heard Him speak to my heart, not with an audible voice that you could hear externally, but like a clear voice internally if that makes sense, that this was a year that He was going to teach me what it meant to live by faith.

wow. what the implications of that could mean were so vast and definitely so scary. i had just come off of a really tough year, and i won't say that it was exactly an "encouraging" word for the moment. but, in my heart, i knew it was the Lord speaking to me and whenever He speaks it is encouraging if you know what i mean.

when i talked with bill in the car as we drove up he shared with me what He felt like the Lord was telling him in the prayer room at their house when he was in there and it was very close to what i felt the Lord speaking to me. he felt the Lord speak to him about a shift in the foundation of our finances... yikes. it felt like really scary stuff and i cried in the car when talking to him because just thinking of what the implications of the Lord talking to both of us about this stuff made me realize how little faith i really had.

here i am, six months later, and i have lived through at least the beginning of the fulfillment of the word the Lord spoke to both of us. it is amazing to me, seriously amazing, what the Lord has done in our lives. if i had words right now to explain all that has happened in the past three and a half months and all the emotions it has caused me to go through and the places of my heart it has touched, but that is for another day. let me just summarize by saying God has shown Himself incredibly faithful in spite of my presence or lack of faith. i am so thankful that He told me it was going to be a year of learning to live by faith because i definitely am still learning. i have moments of wondering what in the world we are doing and and why!!! but, it is so comforting to know that God knew of my own weakness and cared to give me a heads up so that i could remind myself of His care for me and His patience for me right where i am at today.

my friend bizzy grapperhaus wrote a song about His faithfulness to us even when we are faithless called faithful as the sun and it describes this dynamic of my life right now. He is faithful not because of anything i do, but because He cannot deny Himself. it also reminds me of the great song His eye is on the sparrow. so many times i have encouraged myself with the passages in the gospels about God's care for such a small insignificant bird and that He says He cares so much more for me. my faith does not come from my own efforts, goodness, or circumstances. i believe because of who He is and that is enough.

why should i feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
when Jesus is my portion? my constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me.

i sing because i'm happy,
i sing because i’m free,
for His eye is on the sparrow,
and i know He watches me.

“let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word i hear,
and resting on His goodness, i lose my doubts and fears;
though by the path He leadeth, but one step i may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me.

i sing because i’m happy,
i sing because i’m free,
for His eye is on the sparrow,
and i know He watches me.

whenever i am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
when songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
i draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and i know He watches me.

i sing because i’m happy,
i sing because i’m free,
for His eye is on the sparrow,
and i know He watches me.

charis