i would have despaired unless i had believed
that i would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living. psalm 27:13
how much of my life is anchored in the belief in the goodness of God? it is not only enough to believe He is good. it is essential to believe that i will see this goodness in my life towards me.
many of my latest posts have been about a central theme of hope. besides going through the trials of pregnancy, i have been challenged in my faith in so many areas of my life in this past season. i actually found out i was pregnant during one of the hardest weeks of my life. it was a bright spot of hope in the midst of a swirl of confusion and temptation for fear. for both of these reasons i haven't blogged as much as i would have liked. sometimes when i am going through the dark night of the soul (and puking my brains out on top of it), it is very hard to articulate anything other than, "help me Jesus!"
i found this simple cry for help to be the meat of my recent prayers. i would stand in the shower, feeling so weak both physically and emotionally that i would burst into tears and just say, "help me Jesus!" sometimes that is the most powerful prayer that we can pray.
trials in life can either drive us away from Him or drive us to Him. there is so much in life we cannot control. there is so much disappointment. there are so many questions of, "why?" there are so many things that i would much rather not walk through if it was up to me. but i cannot control my circumstances. what i can control is how i posture my heart.
do i harden my heart to protect myself? or do i allow the pain of disappointment and the sting of fear to drive me to Him? when all the world around me is shaken, it is only Him who doesn't change. it is only Him who is left there constant and firm and unchanging.
at the end of the day, the commitment to follow Christ is as simple as that: following Him. i can do so many things that are so good and beneficial, but they mean nothing if when things get tough i turn away from Him. there are so many people who have every reason to despair - there are so many reasons for any of us to despair. i love that one word in psalm 27:13: unless. unless any of us believe that He is not only good, but that we will see His goodness towards us in this lifetime... there is where our hope must lie.
is your current circumstance driving you away from Him or to Him?
i would love your comments and feedback.
i will leave you with a picture of my 22 week belly (more than halfway to the finish line!)
charis
