dreaming of a getaway

this is where i would love to be right now - somewhere with an ocean view off on a little getaway trip with my babe.  did you know that we are almost to our 10 year anniversary?!

the plan was to do something big to celebrate, at least consisting in a night or two away to fall in love all over again.  instead, God's plans for us would be that i would be in my last month of being pregnant with our 5th child and celebrating this milestone at home.  God has His own ideas, doesn't He?

even if we aren't going to do what i had hoped for our big 10 year, i choose to be thankful right where God has me.  sometimes that is easier said than done (i know you are with me on this!).  sometimes we all get into that funk where we only have eyes to see what we don't have and what we aren't doing and all the gifts God has given us that make up our life just don't seem like enough.  self pity sets in and then we really are in a mess of our own making.

i don't want to mess with any of that nonsense.

God has given me so much.  for one, i have a husband that i am more in love with now than this time 10 years ago when we were less than 2 weeks out from our wedding bursting with anticipation of marital bliss.  i have 5 wonderful kids that the Lord has blessed me with (one who i have yet to meet in less than 2 months!) in His abundance.  i have a constant awareness of the Holy Spirit's activity in my life and really do feel His response to my many times a day cry for help!

and even in the midst of trials and hardship in various forms, i have far more joy than i could have ever imagined 10 years ago. 

He is so good to me.

little ocean getaway... i will be looking forward to you someday.  it may be a while, but the waiting now will make the time with my sweetheart all by ourselves then that much more sweet!

still counting gifts to 1000...

510 - 525:

510. a productive afternoon.

511. putting clothes the boys grow out of aside to store for hand-me-downs.

512. an out of town overnight guest.

513. opportunities to grow in patience.

514. uriah singing at the big fundraiser night for his school billed right up there with kim walker smith and william matthews.

515. cooking with leeks.

516. being able to bring comfort to sick kiddos.

517. He is always faithful to give me grace to follow Him when i ask.

518. beautiful bridal shower for a beautiful friend.

519. listening to asher practicing piano.

520. sunlight and a walk around the neighborhood.

521. a bunch of greens to juice this week.

522. time to think and ask Him to speak to me.

523. chirping birds and blooming flowers - signs of an early spring.

524. typing one-handed because of a sick baby on my chest.

525. the cross of Jesus.



i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

charis

never too old to learn something new!

i thought you all might like a little peak into part of my life that i don't usually write about on this blog.  sound like fun?  okay, well here we go!

i have been really into making things the past couple years.  now, i haven't been someone who has been super talented in crafting my whole life.  no, no, no!  i had 3 different people try to teach me how to crochet when i was a kid to no avail!  i am a leftie, and they were all righties, so it just never clicked more than being able to make a simple long chain.

fast forward to just a couple years ago.  my sister had recently learned how to knit.  i was actually there when she first learned, but i didn't have interest in learning for myself.  i think i was probably discouraged from the fact that i could never learn how to crochet, so i didn't even have interest in trying.

but about a year after my sister learned, i went to her and asked her if she would try to teach me how to make a very simple scarf.  even though she is right-handed, somehow she just knew how to teach me how to do it and it did click for me!  i successfully made a few scarves and was having so much fun doing it.

the following year a friend told me that she learned to crochet a hat by watching a you tube video.  i thought that sounded completely crazy!  she told me i should try it, but since people couldn't even teach me in person i wasn't sure how it would work to just watch a video on the internet.  the more i thought about it, the more curious i became as to whether it would work for me or not.  i finally took the plunge and started searching for online videos to teach me how to crochet.  i didn't know a thing, so i had to watch and learn everything from the simplest first step, but in the end i successfully crocheted my first hat!  a video or two (or ten) were able to teach me what no one could teach me in person in the past.

we didn't have very much money for christmas gifts that year, and my family always does a big gift exchange, so i started feverishly trying to learn how to make more and more.  i decided to try to do a homemade christmas.  i wasn't the fastest crocheter, and probably had bad technique as well, but i did it!  i was able to give everyone gifts i had made.
 
i cannot believe how quickly i learned as an adult when it so difficult as a child... i really have to credit it to my sister teaching me how to knit because i think it made even crocheting make more sense.  very soon after learning how to do a simple hat, i started making up my own patterns and making things i just thought of in my head like coffee mug sleeves, leg warmers, gloves, and iphone covers.  

however the love of knitting - the craft that i was interested in first - never went away though most people can crochet so much faster and easier.  so i have slowly plugged away at teaching myself new stitches in knitting and trying to learn how to read a pattern.

just recently i decided, since i have enough time til our new baby is born to do something slowly, to knit a more complex hat for our little one.  i looked for a pattern idea on ravelry and went to michael's to get the right size needles to do the job.

*money saving tip - don't ever buy anything at michael's without a coupon.  you can print them online or they also have an app for the iphone that they will just scan the coupon directly from your phone.  brilliant!

so, here is the little aviator hat that i knit for my new baby.  it is by far the most difficult thing i have ever knit and i had quite a bit of frustration trying to figure out how to even read the pattern and look up what they different stitches were that the gal was referring to in it.  but it worked!  and it is cute!  i am starting to feel like a legit knitter!

 sorry for the low quality pics - i just took them quickly with photo booth on my computer so i could post them on facebook as soon as it was finished.  oh, and sorry for the deformed looking baby doll!  ha!  i have no idea where this baby's clothes are and he really doesn't look that funny, it was just the way i was holding him up for the camera. 

the moral of the story:  it is never too late to learn something that you don't know how to do!  even if you failed at learning it before, maybe if you try now it will click.  it happened for me.  i teach piano and have had students from 5 to 75... and usually my adult students are my most disciplined and make progress the quickest.  it is so silly to think that we are only able to learn well when we are young though i admit i have thought the same thing about myself.

if there is a desire on your heart that you have never explored, maybe today is the day.  you will never know what you can do until you try!

go try something new!

still counting gifts to 1000...

493 - 509:

493. money He provided to pay the bills... yet again.

494. our internet is working better!

495. sweet friends who surprised me with my favorite chocolate and tea for heart day.


496. 12 jars of blessings from a dear friend - encouragement right when i needed it.


497. a great worship set - the Holy Spirit stirred my heart once again towards falling more in love with my Jesus.


498. the warmth of my comfy bed.


499. laughing and laughing with bill.


500. walking with my kids and hubby while they ride bikes on the river trail and enjoying the nice weather.


501. the cute little strut of my 18 month old simeon was he walks across the sun dial bridge feeling like a big boy.


502. watching david dance his heart out like no one else was in the room during our family worship time.


503. late night talks and asking questions... still getting to know my husband better as we approach completing ten years of marriage.


504. all three of my older boys earning a dollar a piece for reciting psalm 3 to my mom.  i love that they are hiding His Word in their hearts.


505. hearing some good doctors' reports for a couple different people i have even praying for these past couple weeks.


506. the opportunity to give our tithe to the Lord and the reminder of how much He has provided for us every step of the way.


507. the way simeon plays with my hair as he sucks his thumb and cuddles.


508. a new tiny grey wool hat that i knit for our new little one in the belly.


509. a little more drizzles of rain today - we need it.  i love that God is watering our earth, but also love that it hasn't been solid rain either. 


i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

charis

don't you dare quit

 image by Karolina Przybysz

but whoever holds out till the end with be delivered.
matthew 24:13 (complete jewish bible translation)

here are my short thoughts this morning on this verse:

it doesn't matter so much if we believe the right thing right now if we compromise when things get tough.  it is about perseverance and steadfastness.

now a little story:

yesterday my #3 son david was learning how to ride his bike.  he was having a great time peddling on the beautiful trail that runs by the sacramento rive close to where we live.  then he came to a small decline, what he would call a hill, and he panicked because he didn't remember how to use his brakes to slow down.  he tried to bail off the bike and ended up in a crumpled mess in the middle of the paved trail with the bike on top of him.  suddenly realizing the dangers of riding a bike, he was no longer interested in what he was enjoying so much only moments before.

two lessons i see that relate this small bike wreck with this key truth in the Word:

1.  if you try to bail when things get a little crazy, you will end up in a wreck.  hold on through the downhill sloops of life and pedal hard during the grueling uphill stretches.  if you forget how to use the brakes, hold on tight and steer the best you can.  do not jump off the bike.  there are terribly hard things that happen in life to everyone, there will especially be a time of pressure for one generation to come, but trying to bail on what we believe and know to be true in times of pressure does not save us.  quitting when it gets tough always will cause more pain in the long run and when it really counts.

2.  if you have experienced a crash in life, get back on the bike!  it isn't about what you once believed to be true - it is about what you keep on believing and what you keep on living.  i like this translation of the verse above because it uses the word delivered where many other translations use the word saved.  sometimes there are things we may struggle with our entire lives, things we long for freedom from but have to continue to press through and fight against.  do not quit.  just because you fell down, don't decide that bike riding - or walking faithfully with the Lord - is not for you.  it is about endurance and making it til the end and you will be delivered from all that afflicts you.

as with any verse, this can only be fully understood in its context so i encourage you to go and read all of matthew 24.  i will leave you with the words of misty edwards in one of my favorite choruses she sings:

don't give up,
don't give in, 
if you don't quit...
you'll win.  you'll win.

hang in there and don't get off the bike!

 

i am linking up with barbie this week for fresh brewed sundays.

do you like this post?  consider subscribing to this blog and/or liking our facebook page to stay connected. 

i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis 

how to climb out of the emotional pit

word for the day: delight

start.

my heart is hurting.  sometimes, without even really knowing the exact reason why, i can end up in a pit of pain, apathy, and frustration.  i do not like this feeling.  i do not like being led by my emotions.

i long to rise above the fickleness of my heart and experience real delight.

storms come in life.  the winds, the waves, the shaking of the ground we walk on... it all comes and will keep coming - it is just a matter of when.  when i am moved to and fro in the midst of the blowing and the crashing and the shaking, i know that my heart is not anchored but instead led by the worst leader i know - my feelings.

how many times have i said, i just don't feel like it?  how many times do i distance myself and choose isolation because of not feeling like allowing myself to be known?  how many times do i hide in the darkness because i do not understand what it means to delight myself in the Lord?

david said, why are you so downcast, oh my soul?  put your hope in God!  delight yourself in the Lord!  

so i tell myself - stop listening to all those emotions that lie to you - they are liars!   put your hope in God, my soul.  delight yourself in the One who can pull you out of any pit you have fallen into. 

stop.

want to join in?  click the picture below to go link up and the rules are simple.


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

leave me a link to your 5 minute friday in the comments below and i would love to come visit and read!  even if you don't have a blog, these timed writing prompts are a great way to overcome writer's block - i would encourage you to take out your journal and pen and join in that way!

like my post?  would you share it on facebook or twitter (or your favorite way of sharing posts)?  thanks!  also, i just started a facebook page for at the gate called beautiful - take a second to like it and we can stay in touch (on the right side of this page). 

charis

when you have white paper and a bit of red paint

there is something that has always attracted me about a bit of brightly colored paint on stark white paper.  i enjoy all the aspects of art, being primarily a musical artist myself, but something about paint always speaks to me.

maybe it is the way that even when a child uses paint on paper, something magical happens... something is released from inside that you may not otherwise know was there.

and even the drips and the imperfections

                         - or maybe especially the drips and imperfections -

                                 they remind me of the Artist, the Creator, who made

each fingerprint,

each sunset,

each snowflake

unique.

the beauty in art and in His creation is how it is never quite the same.  no two are quite alike.  God, the Master Artist, didn't run out of ideas and have to make carbon copies.  No, He keeps life interesting and exciting with the depth of the display of His creativity.

and to think, we have only scratched the surface of beholding His beauty in this fallen world still plagued by the curse of sin.  someday... someday we will really see a beauty to behold.

it is all a gift.  thank you God that life is never boring with you - it is all a part of the masterpiece you are creating and we get to be a part.  to taste in part of the wonders of who you are, oh Master Creator, makes me want more and more of you.


still counting gifts to 1000...

450 - 492:

450. great teachings on finances by mike bickle.  challenges me to be stretched in my giving.

451. holding my husband's hand under the covers when i am afraid.

452. that Jesus is the Rebuilder of broken bridges, the Healer of broken hearts, and the One who can bring Restoration and Reconciliation to broken relationships... it is His business and He is good at it.

453. the sweet and tart taste of citrus in the winter.

454. the blessing of teaching piano from my home.

455. the pleasant soothing smells of warm and spicy, yet fruity, home fragrance oils burning.

456. great conversation around the dinner table talking about the high lights of our days - the good parts, the bad parts, the sad parts, and the super duper parts.

457. glorious sun rays peaking out from behind clouds after the rain.

458. finally sitting down on the couch after a long, busy day.

459. salted chocolate. now that is just good.

460. an opportunity to guest post this week at five minutes for faith.

461. deep, slow breaths when i am losing my patience.

462. a generous neighbor who brought us a box full of oranges from their tree.

463. the opportunity to eat something that might not be my first choice, but God provided it and i am thankful to be out of my comfort zone.

464. when sick kids get well.

465. for strength to do the tasks at hand.

466. my beloved david turning 4 last saturday.

467. a rare afternoon nap for myself.

468. a decent night sleep after several very poor and interrupted ones.

469. free glass jars to store more food in our freezer.

470. a former piano student starting back up again.

471. rain forecast for tomorrow.

472. a lovely 2.6 mile walk with 3 of my little ones to go buy new knitting needles to make a hat for the new little one we have yet to meet.

473. the anticipation with which my boys look forward to their dates with their daddy.

474. constant reminders that God really is trustworthy.

475. watching my oldest push the stroller of my current youngest and the sweet way he cares for his little brother.

476. all 6 of us (7 counting little one in the belly) snuggled up together on the couch watching a movie.

477. making requested birthday dinners - loving the particular preferences of each of my kids.

478. the way each of my kids have changed my life in their own unique way.  i will never be the same.

479. the gentle uneven flicker of a candle.

480. new bamboo knitting needles just waiting to make something.

481. a great deal for stocking up on grade b organic maple syrup.

482. the warm musty smell of wool yarn.

483. He answers every prayer.  He hears me when i call.

484. listening to my 4 year old recite the Word by memory.

485. holding my 18 month old when he falls asleep.

486. my 8 years of being a mom.

487. asher turning 8!

488. my wonderful grandma who is 83 years old and shares a birthday with asher.

489. more rain which we have needed!

490. looking up at the bright stars against a dark sky far away from any street lights.  beauty!

491. sharing at our house of prayer monthly gathering about the biblical view of money... so much great discussion that we will get to part 2 next month.

492. the wonders you can make with white card stock and red paint.

i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

the highest calling

oh boy.  am i feeling sentimental or what?!

eight years ago today i became a mom for the very first time.  i know this is a special day for my happy boy, but it is also a special day for me. (if you want a good cry, read my post about him last year called the Lord has made me happy).

it is the 8 year anniversary of the most rewarding and hardest calling of my entire life - being a mom.

i have read many wonderful blog posts across the internet about the joys and the trials of being a mom.  i feel like there is so much encouragement available out there for christian moms who are in the trenches of raising kids who love the Lord.

even at the expense of all of you saying that i am sounding like that little old lady in target telling you to "enjoy them now because they grow up too quickly," i will say that it does go by awfully fast and even i (still in the trenches of an 8 year old, 6 year old, 4 year old, 18 mos old, and being 7.5 mos pregnant) find myself grasping for ways to slow time down.  life is not easy being a mom, but it is worth it.

sometimes i find myself grumbling and complaining about piles of dirty socks and shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor, the cheerios all over and under the table, the cap-less markers strewn through the house, the eternal laundry piles of clean and dirty clothes, moldy orange peels left in the lunch bags, and fingerprints everywhere.  and then i think of families i know, rather closely in fact, who have lost this all in one single day.

i stop and realize, this could all be taken away from me in a single moment...

both the messes and the mess-makers.

so i find myself following ann's lead and counting my grace gifts, for that is what they are... all gifts.

thank you Lord for the never ending stinky, dirty, mud-stained piles of clothes.

thank you Lord for the pee on the floor i stepped in walking into the bathroom, since i share the only bathroom in the house with 5, soon to be 6, boys.

thank you Lord for the mess (resembling vaguely a war-torn downtown bagdad) in the back of my minivan.

thank you Lord for the evidence that there is life all around me.

i am thankful for today because i know i am not promised a thousand tomorrows.

in fact tomorrow may never come.  if it doesn't, every one of the past 8 years of days have been the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me.

and if this is all i ever get, not one day more or one day less, i can honestly say it is all worth it.

every single sleepless night.  every single backache.  every single moment losing my food while pregnant.  every single obstacle to breastfeed.  every single worried moment spent in the hospital with a child.  every single frustration with learning this thing called consistency and discipline.  every single tear that has fallen.  every single time i am late and tired and grouchy and worn out from the trials and tribulations called being a mom.

all of it is worth it because all of it is a gift.

and when i stand before the Lord and give an account for my life, how i used my time, my words, and my resources, i will say thank you for the honor of entrusting these little ones to me.  thank you for the cross i got to bear, with joy, to serve and love and pour out my life that they may know You and the power of Your resurrection. 

i get to be a mom and it is the highest calling i will ever have.

if i lead thousands in worship...

if i speak before hundreds of thousands proclaiming the gospel...

if i get to fund the biggest missions movement in history with the resources God blesses me with...
none of these - none-  compare to getting to lead these little ones day by day to a life of faithfully walking with the Lord.

i serve a God who sees what is done is secret.  i am so thankful that though the life of a mom may be unglamorous to most, the reward will be great when it counts.

thank you asher for making me a mom.

it is the greatest gift i have been given besides the promise of eternal life from my Savior. 

happy birthday son. i love you.

charis

get me a lock... a big one.

i had so much fun last week that today i am again linking up with the gypsy mama for 5 minute friday.  i love meeting new people, so if you are visiting from the link up, let me know in the comments below so i can go read your post as well!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: trust

start.

wow, what a word for the day.

i guess it is as good of a time as any to get a bit vulnerable and -shudder- maybe try out a bit of that trust thing.

when i was in college i actually wrote my senior thesis on the word trust.  i had many wounds, recent and older, that made me want desperately to find in the Bible a strong case for not trusting people.  i was hurting and some of the wounds were incredibly fresh and painful and i didn't want to open myself up to that type of hurt again.

image by MeiTeng

building up some strong walls sounded good to me.  even a fortress.

i wasn't sure how i was going to write an entire thesis on proving my point, but my professor was up for seeing what i came up with.

i found in all i could research both in the Word and in pop psychology that no matter how much pain i was in, it was the wrong move to lock up my heart in efforts to not experience pain again.

i found trust is vital for a baby to develop to end up being a healthy adult (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally).

i found the example of the life of Jesus to bring me to bittersweet tears in the fact that He trusted and allowed people close, even knowing the deceitful hearts of men.  i went through the whole gamut of emotions about this - anger, confusion, denial, and finally acceptance of the hard road ahead of opening up my heart again even after being hurt.

i was in wonder thinking about how Jesus treated both judas and peter - both denying Him... and He restoring the one who didn't take his life in regret and shame.  i doubt i would have the strength or foresight to trust "my church" to the one who had just told everyone they didn't know me while i could actually see them saying it... one who claimed to be my closest friend.

stop.

well, that is five minutes.  what i would add is this - i found Jesus' incredible example of how He lived a life of forgiveness and mercy to those who most definitely did not deserve it the most amazing example of trust i have ever seen. 

in the process of writing my senior thesis, the Holy Spirit encountered my own deceitful heart with this same mercy.  i heard the Lord whisper to me when i asked Him in angry tears what He wanted from me - will you love my people?  waves of mercy washed up over my hurting heart and brought an initial healing to the brokenness that i have had to walk out over the years.

Jesus was never naive nor ignorant of the capacity and ability in man to deceive and wound others, and yet we are the ones He chose to surround Himself with and to give His life for on the cross.

if He can give His life, i can choose to unlock my heart.

how about you?  are you going through some trust issues that i can support you in prayer?  what testimonies of overcoming broken trust can you share with us to encourage us all in our journeys?

charis

when life doesn't make sense

sorry i haven't been on for a couple days.  i actually had a different post i wanted to put up on monday, (which now you will have to wait for!), but our internet has been down for the past couple days.  let's just say that my in laws who live in a 3rd world country have a better connection than we do.  hopefully we are getting that taken care of soon!

today i am at 5 minutes for faith writing a guest post about when life just doesn't make sense.  here is just a snippet:

He is near the broken hearted.  i imagine Jesus’ favorite place to be is sitting right next to each one of us when we feel the most alone and unseen.  He loves at just that precise moment to wrap His arms around us and tell us He is for us and not against us.

for He is not a God who is far removed...

click here to read the rest and to add your thoughts!  leave a comment and let me know you read it and if you can relate.

thanks 5 minutes for faith for the opportunity to guest post.

charis

just 4 of the many things

just 4 of the many things i love about this kid who is turning 4 today

1. he is a great helper.  whenever his daddy has a project he is working on, david wants to be right in the middle of it all, learning how it is done, and being a part of getting it done.  he is going to know how to do lots of different things when he is older. 

2. he is very funny.  this kid has a great sense of humor and makes jokes that are actually funny (and has for quite a while).  he is goofy and silly and a big clown.  he is always making us laugh and lightening the atmosphere when it is tense. 

3. he was my easiest baby.  when you have had 4 kids, soon to have 5, you usually have an opinion on who was hard and who was easy and perspective of what hard and easy are because you can compare your experiences.  now, i really have never had that hard of a baby (thankfully!) - clingy ones at times, but never colicky or anything like that.  but... david was like so easy it was crazy.  he slept.  he was happy.  he loved to snuggle, but wasn't clingy.  he fit right into the family without any crazy awkward transition.  he was such an easy and fun baby.

4. he is not afraid to be his own person.  david loves and looks up to his older brothers, but he is completely happy doing his own thing.  being number three i would wonder if he would feel pressure to live up to the older 2, but he is happy playing with them when it is something he is excited about and doing something on his own if he is interested in something different.  even when his brothers ask, at times beg, him to do something specific that they want to do, he is totally secure saying no and doesn't fall into peer pressure even at a young age.  he picks out his own clothing and wears interesting combos, to say the least.  many times his clothes, especially his shirts, are backwards or inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet or mismatched (the classic is two mismatched left shoes).  if i ask him about it, he just replies, "i am okay with it."  he is his own little guy. 

for more about my sweet david, read a bit about him and his crazy birth (no graphic info, it is safe) in my post last year 1.2.3.4...

happy birthday david!  i love you!

charis

what is real?

today for the first time i am linking up with the gypsy mama in 5 minute friday.  i have read these on a couple different blogs i frequent and have always thought it would be fun to join in, but never have yet.  well, today is the day!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: real

what is real?

so many times it is hard to distinguish what is reality...  fiction or fact?

for me, a lot of times my emotions guide what i believe to be real.  because i feel something strongly, i start to believe it to be reality when it actually could be a complete figment of my imagination.  emotions are strong and they are great indicators of the health of the soul.  however they are not great guides for reality.

i am reminded of the passage in philippians when paul encouraged the church he was incredibly fond of to fix their mind on what is real:

finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  philippians 4:8

how often do we struggle with dwelling on these very things?  i don't know about you, but i have a rough time when life gets stressful or emotions get charged to pull up out of the muck and align my spirit with truth and not be lead by what feels real in the moment.

let us walk forward today asking the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to what is real and what is only our perception, and think on the things that align our spirit with His.

charis